Fading Identity

Recently, our team shifted to a new building far away from home and finally i am beginning to feel the pinch. Today morning when i reached our new campus(hate associating the word "office" with myself), i was reminded of the many things that i wanted to do by the time i finished college. I wanted to be an entrepreneur with the "youngest achiever" award, giving loads of interviews on the TV. But unfortunately none has been accomplished or even started...

OK, fine i am applying to b-schools and all that. So what? I am still far away from what i wanted to do. B-school is definitely not my destination. In high school i was so overwhelmed by people such as Alexander and Cleopatra that i wanted to actually rule the world someday so that my name gets etched in the history of the world and not lost once i perish. Over the due course of time that fantasy matured into the want to be an entrepreneur and own a building as huge as our new campus.

After high school i got carried away by the usual competition stuff and here i am sitting in my cube debugging code. Which competition you say? Well, the usual marks saga. I am not sure how can competition land a person into something that she doesn't want. But sadly that's the truth and that will be, till our system and values change.

This is not the future that i dreamt of nor would many "dream" of in childhood. Then why am i not going ahead and ditching my job and starting off with my dream? Probably i am not the risk taker kind. Am i the only person who is doing what she DOES NOT want to do or are there other people too?

Hats off to people like Bill Gates who had guts to ditch the "competition" saga and realize their dreams. As far as people like us, i don't even know why do we keep reading things about these achievers. I don't see us (atleast me) putting it into practice. Oh OK... Our system has taught us how to do theory not practicals right? Then how can we realize it in reality.

I don't think its too late. Probably we all still have time to live our dreams. But how many of us actually know what we want? Probably a flashback to our childhood days will help.

I just hope you and I realize what we actually want and go ahead with that, instead of sucuumbing to the situation. Else we will end up spending 15 hours a day doing something that we never dreamt of or do not actually enjoy doing, till we are 60 and then retire and wonder what happened the whole time in our lives.
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A girl losing identity in her cube

My year in retrospect

As i stumbled upon Darren Rowse's ProBlogger topic for the season, I felt myself relive my past year. There were few moments that stood out; forcing a change in me or teaching me something important or just pointing out at some of the decisions that I made. Here, I wish to take you through some of the events that took place, with my retrospective thoughts about them.

I noticed encouraging signs in the evolution of my thought process. I am very pleased to report increasing incidents of positive approach to many of the situations, which not only helped me in dealing with it when I could, but also in pulling myself through when I could do nothing. Its been a year where I learnt that negative thoughts are not to be thrown out of the window altogether, but, to look for the hidden meanings in them. Looking at things & ideas in a pessimistic perspective, at times, aids you to be more careful & makes you look into the intricate details. It also helps you to come up with escape routes or to plan different approaches, should the present approach fail. The idea of swapping places with others to judge any tricky situation & to handle tight corners, payed rich dividends to not only me, but, also to the others involved; of that i am certain.

In my journey of self-discovery through the year, I also noticed the role played by the “Feel-Good” factor in my approach towards day-to-day, as well, as special activities. Of course, this was greatly enhanced by instances like motivating others, encouraging them; besides being a sturdy rock to lean on or to take support or to just vent away the worries whenever a buddy in distress needs one.

Academically, there was reiteration of the fact that one need not concentrate on scoring very highly in the subjects alone, as long as one knows whats going on & knows how to use the knowledge he has garnered in an apt way whenever called for. Having said that, if you do happen to set your sights on doing something memorable with the amount of skill you’ve got, then, that decision should be taken early; while also being accompanied by systematic planning & a disciplined approach, with enough time thrown in for fun & family.

Getting injured, physically or psychologically, need not always be due to ones mistake. It can even happen in the most trivial of circumstances. The pain & discomfort one endures is what makes him stronger.

Although, I knew helping others & volunteering to help in doing something are noble & satisfying; this was the year in which I first experienced the taste of the elixir of true happiness filling my heart to the brim. The joy & pride which floods ones mind once the work succeeds is what can be defined as being truly sweet. In addition to that, there was the delight in toiling towards the goal, especially, since it was accompanied by all-round laughter & fun.

Sports are always known to relax the mind, while at the same time, giving enough work to the ever-eager musculature. Over the past year, I discovered the delectation in persevering with sports and training over a long period of time. Not only does it ameliorate your skills, but, it also impels you to manage time better, lest you be left wanting in your other activities. I, especially, liked the grit we showed in fighting hard & working harder to make our way to a commendable position in the cricket tourney for which we were working, in spite of ours being not such a strong contingent this time round. My modest contributions in it, has made it an experience that I will treasure. As an added bonus, making it through to the next level by representing our university, where only a few get selected, has formed an important blip in my never-ending learning curve.

Finally, towards the end of the year, my brother re-introduced me into blogging, as we set out with our minds filled with hopes of doing something substantial. The important thing for us is improvement which we want to see develop within us in terms of our writing skills & also, in getting the message across in a very polished manner.

Musings of A dejected MiND......!

....I still remember that evening when i sat by the window of my room, and watched the leaves dancing and rejoicing at the glory of the rain and mocking at my very existence. With eyes drenched i watched the birds fly to the cosy protection of of their little nests. In the air i smelt the sweet dampness of mud, yet felt the pain deep within me choking me to death. I felt like my dreams were shattered, my wishes sacrificed and my aspirations burnt and crying out faintly in the loud din!!!

But, i raised my head and saw the sun setting on the horizon. Suddenly, i felt a chord strike my heart, resulting in a faint music playing in the vicinity. I realised there is more to life. I let go of all the inhibitions that were binding my purpose of achieving my goal. I understood that I had the right to dream, toil and conquer.

I learnt that it is more rewarding to meet life on my own, to drink in every cup life has to offer - not to confine myself to the good and socially acceptable. i had to widen my horizons, move beyond society - experience the best and the worst of life, the trouble, pain and joy! Experience EVERYTHING life has to offer.

'Life' is a serious affair and talking life seriously is better than having fun all along. The former is to have a serious affair with life, becoming more involved, wading in it, drinking in it; while the latter is a casual one night stand.

I have to be me under all circumstances and forge ahead and envisage everything, all ventures life has to offer.Suddenly the chord stopped, but the music still played in the ambience, in every drop of water, the fresh air, the grey clouds passing by and my life. The edifice of fear built in my mind fell and perished. I found a new meaning to life. 'Life is Beautiful'.

I have to live it the way it comes. Thorns are meant to prick, but it dare not come in the way of a conqueror - A conqueror of his dreams.
I learnt to recognize success and failures from its own unique point of view. I had to live life by my own rules, and that in all situations, i was the only one who would be with myself all through, and i has to always remain the one and only.......!!